Oh, You Can't Get To Heaven

Oh, you can't get to heaven on roller skates
You'd roll right by them Pearly Gates

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a trolley car
'Cause the gosh darn thing won't go that far.

Oh, you can't get to heaven on a rocket ship
'Cause the rocket ship won't take that trip.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in your grandma's bra
Cause your grandma's bra don't stretch that far

Oh, you can't get to heaven, in papa's boat,
Cause papa's boat won't even float.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a limousine,
Cause the Lord don't sell no gasoline.

Oh, you can't get to heaven on a 10-speed bike,
Cause you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a supersonic jet,
Cause the Lord ain't got no runways yet.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a beat-up car
Cause a beat-up car won't go that far.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in daddy's pants,
Cause daddy's pants are full of ants.

Oh you can't get to heaven with powder and paint,
'cos it makes you look like what you ain't.

Oh you can't get to heaven in a strapless gown,
'cos a strapless gown might fall right down.

Oh you can't get to heaven in a biscuit tin
'cos the bottom falls out and the top falls in.

Oh you'll never get to heaven in dirty jeans
'cos the Lord ain't got no washing machines

Oh you'll never get to heaven on a ping-pong ball
'cos a ping-pong ball is far too small.

Oh, you can't get to heaven in a rocking chair
Cause a rocking chair don't go nowhere.

Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right,
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white.

Oh one fine day, and it won't be long,
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone.

And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through

But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you.

Well if I get to heaven, before you do.
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue.

That's all there is, there is no more
St Peter said, as he shut the door

I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb,
Filled with the Holy Ghost I am,
All my sins are washed away,
I am redeemed.

I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.
I ain't a-gonna grieve my Lord no more.